Main Ingredients:

See below ingredients and instructions of the recipe

Cooking Preparation of the Recipe:

FOOLPROOF CHILI RECIPE
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----------------COUCH POTATO GRUB: MAKING CH---------------------
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One of the few great examples of cooking that takes no skill
whatsoever. And here's a recipe to prove it CHILI CON CARNE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Consider the scene: It's a Football Sunday, the
noblest and most beloved day of the True Couch Potato's week. A bunch
of fellow spuds are dropping by for some chips 'n dips, brewskis 'n
nuts, and that finest of Couch Potato feeds, a grand pot of chili,
which you are in charge of, and which you are trying to turbocharge
to unforgettable proportions. You want to make a chili that will
cause the paint to peel, that will lead to a number of marriages
coming to an end. The Chili to End All Chilies. And so, in classic
low-maintenance Couch Potato style, you do the right thing ++ you go
to the local market, and you buy lots of cans of chili with beans
which you proceed to empty into your least combustible, least
corroded pot, the one you use for making the Krakatoa Spaghetti Sauce
for which you are so justly famous.You empty in can after can of
Hormel Hot Chili with Beans, Stagg Dynamite Chili with Beans, and
Dennison Chunky Chili with Beans. And what you find, if you are of a
discerning palate, is that you've created a concoction that tastes
remarkably like well-warmed dog food. For aside from the mystery
meats used to make canned Chilies, you also have a hot bubbling pot
of soy protein concentrate, caramel coloring, calcium chloride,
dehydrated onions and modified food starch. Which is not my idea of a
fine Pot O' Red. You could probably get away with serving the stuff
to your Football Buds, for by the time they get around to the chili,
they'll probably have tucked away a six-pack of belly wash and pig
sweat each. But if you're like me, you're a Gourmet Couch Potato. And
you want to create a pot of chili that will be one for the ages.
Which means you must delve into the wonderful world of what's
technically referred to inthe trade as "tricking it up." In other
words,can make an awfully fine chili by adding a lot of other
ingredients to the canned stuff ++using the canned chili as the solid
foundation upon which you build your gutbuster deluxe. Just about
anything can be added, for chili is one of the least defined of all
possible dishes ++ except that it's supposed to be spicy, just about
anything can be chili. To make a truly memorable pot of grease, first
pour in lots of cans of chili, remembering not to addthe cans
themselves ++ aluminum tastes just awful, no matter how long you've
cooked it. Then, look through your fridge. Are there some old onions
sitting around, perhaps with nice green scallions sprouting out of
them? Chop'em up, and drop 'em in! Do you have garlic in any of its
manifold forms ++ fresh, pre-chopped, pickled, powdered, dried into a
salt, orjust stuffed into an olive? Put it in++ chili likes lots of
garlic. How about chili peppers? You can add all that you've got to
the pot, along with bottles of Tabasco sauce, and whatever other
salsa is leftover from your last Cinco de Mayo celebration. Don't
forget to pour in some beer as well, especially Mexican beer. Also
tequila, though not too much ++ the alcohol gets boiled out, and what
fun is that? And since some sort of meat is called for, the first
thing to do on that front is to dump in all the leftovers you've got
sitting in the back of the fridge, though not the shrimp lo mein
that's been sitting there since Groundhog Day ++ shrimp tastes really
stupid in chili. Myself, I'm especially fond of a type of sausage
called Little Smokies, which don't have to be chopped up or anything,
and add the flavor of mesquite or pine cones or some such type of
incinerated wood to the chili. Just keep on adding things until
there's no room left in the pot. Then cook for a long time ++ high
heat can kill all sorts of bacteria, and makes most mixtures taste
pretty good. Especially during the fourth quarter of a tight game.
The truly wonderful thing about chili is everyone can make it, for it
is one of the few true examples of cooking that takes no
skillwhatsoever. This is probably an upsetting concept to those who
labor long and hard coming up with complex recipes for the many chili
cookoffs that go on in this great land of ours.But the truth is that
if you can turn on the heat on the stove, you can make chili. Heck,
you can make chili even if you can't turn on the heat, though it will
probably be downright toxic. Chili can be just as good ++ and just as
bad ++ cooked from scratch, cooked from a can, or purchased from a
low dive around which kitties and puppies keep disappearing.

Submitted By SAM LEFKOWITZ On 08-02-95

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