Main Ingredients:

See below ingredients and instructions of the recipe

Cooking Preparation of the Recipe:

SPAM WINE
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------------------TO MANUFACTURE SPAM WINE-----------------------

Okay. It's a bit tricky, but it can be done. FIRST off, you've got to
stop the Spam rotting while it's in the mix. Sterilise the bugger.
Don't use Milton, it kills the rich taste. Use a half-pint of water
at a constant temperature of sixty-two degrees, for two hours. Add a
little alcohol (whisky, vodka, something strong) to the mix half an
hour before you finish that process. Then blend, blend, blend. Stick
the water and Spam into the mixer and hit "Frappe". Let that go until
you have a smooth mix. Pour that into a demijohn. The NEXT step is
fermentation. Six tablespoons of sugar. A sachet of brewer's yeast.
Two pints of water. Chuck 'em in. Swirl. Bung a cork in it and wait
two weeks - remember, keep the mixture at twenty-four degrees. When
two weeks have passed, the mixture should have stopped bubbling. Take
the jar outside before opening it: it whiffs like nothing on earth at
this stage. Add a splash more of the same alcoholic beverage you used
earlier. Swirl. Add another pint of water. Swirl again. Bung and
leave to settle for twenty-four hours. Decant the mix into a
sterilised Demijohn, transferring all the solids, and heat briefly to
fifty-five. All temperatures, incidentally, are in degrees Celsius.
Proceed with caution now. Add two ounces of charcoal powder and allow
to settle. That takes out the fusel oil that forms. Decant again. Add
a liquid made from the jelly of one tin of Spam and a half-pint of
water, and another two spoons of sugar. This adds flavour. Another
splash of the same alcholic beverage. Let that sit. If any sediment
settles to the bottom, you need to reflux the mix with a bit of heat,
not letting any fumes escape by employing a water-cooled exit tube.
Decant into bottles and lay down for about a month. The result: Spam
wine. Incidentally, some notes on which beverage to splash the mix
with: whisky gives the Spam wine a slightly smoky aftertaste and a
lingering warmth. Vodka gives a clean, crip taste. Brandy adds a
classy overtone, redolent of autumn pastures. Pernod tastes foul.
Spam wine is best enjoyed slightly chilled, but be warned. It has a
kick like a squadron of highly-trained combat mules and your breath
will be flammable enough to launch you intercontinental. ON NO
ACCOUNT LIGHT FART-FLARES AFTER AN EVENING OF SPAM WINE DRINKING. I
WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RESULTANT PROPERTY DAMAGE OR
NUCLEAR FALLOUT. Consider yourselves warned. Spam wine is a real
booze-hound's drink. Drinking etiquette. Spam wine is passed to the
right. It is drunk from heavy-based spirit glasses - anything else
corrodes too fast. No larger than a half-pint measure, or you risk it
reaching critical mass. The first sip should be downed straight to
avoid damaging the mucous membranes. After hat, savour the flavour.
No Ice, on any account. It mixes well with tonic water, or cement
powder. Sprinkling pepper on the top of the liquid and allowing it to
settle gives a spicier, more fiery taste. AVOID CAYENNE POWDER.
Finally, after an evening of Spam wine drinking, ensure the buckets
are nearby. And have a chilled toilet roll in the bog. From:
M.R.Austin#bradford.ac.uk (MR AUSTIN)

Submitted By SAM LEFKOWITZ On 08-05-95

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